when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
