My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dicks are not precious.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
