Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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