My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
