everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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