The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
