weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i now understand why vodka
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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