dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
