so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dick very happy bro
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
