remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
