Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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