Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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