Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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