Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize