it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
