You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
