can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
