i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
