you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
