Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
