Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
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Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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