very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
