If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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