Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
What a dumb baby whore.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.