i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
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He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
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I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.