Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?

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  (817): I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf? http://tfl.nu/ht45
  Replies (15) Good night (4026) Bad night (958)
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  (916): View more from California

  come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.

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  (916): come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too. http://tfl.nu/xgxr
  Replies (8) Good night (4121) Bad night (807)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  This guy has a retainer. We're golden.

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  (902): This guy has a retainer. We're golden. http://tfl.nu/im2l
  Replies (3) Good night (771) Bad night (1958)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?

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  (816): Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king? http://tfl.nu/6ro0
  Replies (17) Good night (587) Bad night (3073)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me

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  (908): he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me http://tfl.nu/31sq
  Replies (20) Good night (1694) Bad night (4635)
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  (707): View more from California

  the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.

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  (707): the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him. http://tfl.nu/x6kf
  Replies (43) Good night (5040) Bad night (1733)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.

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  (203): Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one. http://tfl.nu/lrd9
  Replies (6) Good night (3794) Bad night (682)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.

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  (214): Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point. http://tfl.nu/okg1
  Replies (2) Good night (1650) Bad night (898)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.

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  (706): Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat. http://tfl.nu/kq42
  Replies (4) Good night (2324) Bad night (550)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.

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  (724): They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now. http://tfl.nu/wmrg
  Replies (7) Good night (1953) Bad night (605)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.

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  (218): Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county. http://tfl.nu/h5dk
  Replies (12) Good night (1355) Bad night (646)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.

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  (586): He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs. http://tfl.nu/txkv
  Replies (10) Good night (1446) Bad night (415)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer

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  (604): Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer http://tfl.nu/ixyo
  Replies (7) Good night (300) Bad night (1001)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.

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  (518): Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered. http://tfl.nu/cv8i
  Replies (3) Good night (379) Bad night (636)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.

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  (202): Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer. http://tfl.nu/d3xk
  Replies (3) Good night (613) Bad night (235)

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