I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Small penises have feelings too.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
