My liver just broke up with me...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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