i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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