It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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