Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he puts the penis in happiness.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
