I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
