So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.