May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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