Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.