Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota http://tfl.nu/qqt8
  Replies (67) Good night (2045) Bad night (741)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay http://tfl.nu/5gp7
  Replies (9) Good night (1399) Bad night (2635)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos. http://tfl.nu/15bf
  Replies (74) Good night (17728) Bad night (1492)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ... http://tfl.nu/7lew
  Replies (30) Good night (4000) Bad night (871)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Why do you apologize after every time we have sex? http://tfl.nu/3g2b
  Replies (27) Good night (744) Bad night (8324)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous http://tfl.nu/iens
  Replies (15) Good night (5357) Bad night (1296)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys http://tfl.nu/pzx8
  Replies (4) Good night (1039) Bad night (2350)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward. http://tfl.nu/2euk
  Replies (5) Good night (2217) Bad night (841)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  it is a toga and you are a goddess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted (1-615): it is a toga and you are a goddess. http://tfl.nu/2t04
  Replies (15) Good night (4855) Bad night (811)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around? http://tfl.nu/ufh1
  Replies (9) Good night (2034) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his. http://tfl.nu/1fae
  Replies (32) Good night (3086) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass. http://tfl.nu/ll9k
  Replies (4) Good night (559) Bad night (880)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk http://tfl.nu/34yj
  Replies (8) Good night (855) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick http://tfl.nu/ahbd
  Replies (1) Good night (279) Bad night (458)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA. http://tfl.nu/jgm4
  Replies (2) Good night (642) Bad night (282)

Randomize