I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
