I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
