I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
