No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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