god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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