remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he thought i was a dude.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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