your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
