The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
