Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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