swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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