Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
