So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
