Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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