also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
