It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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