Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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