Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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