I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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