Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
