you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
