My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
