guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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