i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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