lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
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I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
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Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize