I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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