Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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