I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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