the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Slut skills are useful in every country.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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