Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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