I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
