Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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