I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
